We live, we make mistakes, and hopefully we learn and grow from those mistakes. I myself have not always been the most faithful person and I assume that was because those persons were not right for me at that time. I am not a huge believer in the idea of a soul mate and I am more of a realist when it comes to love. You either do or you don’t; you either will or you won’t. (That reminds me of that old 3LW song called No More…lol) I’m writing this post for all of my family and friends who either is looking for love or currently in a relationship in which they are seeking to help reignite the flame that was once there. I am not a love doctor but I will consider myself an expert on love. My own experiences have taught me some valuable lessons on love. The following lessons that I will present to you will not complete all the necessary lessons you need to know however, these essential lessons are the ones you need to keep dear to your heart.
My mom told me this but I believe she got it from my Uncle Mario, which is the baby brother. “ Just because a person doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have to offer.” Listen, everybody is not the same. You can’t expect everyone to know how to love you exactly. You are human and humans are difficult creatures. We are forever changing our hair, our underwear and our minds so why keep trying to MAKE somebody love you. If you tell someone how you want to be loved and month after month they continue to fall short then it seems you need to move one. And don’t move on and bash that person and say that they don’t love you. Because they can very well love you…just not in the way you want to be loved.
I learned this the hard way. I was always very popular in school. Everyone knew me I thought I was hot stuff. Then, reality set in. I would get into relationships and always think I was better than my partner. I look better, I’m smarter, I have more friends, I get more likes, etc. etc. In a nutshell everything was ALMOST ALWAYS a competition. Power couples are inevitably winning! Look at Nelson and Wendy Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Coretta Scott King, Michelle and Obama, Jay-z and Beyonce, Gucci Mane and Keyshia Kaoir, I mean the list goes on. Lesson # 2, your relationship is not a competition between you and your partner but better it is a competition between you two vs. the world. You save and make more money when you work together. It also looks better and paints a better picture to society and the younger generation. We should be setting positive examples.
Listen. The third lesson seems so simple but this is probably the most difficult thing for some of us to do. When I say listen you must understand the different ways there are for people to communicate. There’s verbal communication and non-verbal communication. Listen always to understand, do not listen only to respond. It is very easy to get caught up in work, and other important things that we forget to spend time in our relationship catering to our partners needs. We need to often times just sit, talk to each other and listen to each other’s concerns and needs so you grow stronger together.
Keep everyone out of your relationship. An intimate relationship consists of two people who have a deep connection with one another. Why do we always look to family members or close friends for advice? Half the time the close friend is single and the family member has been divorced 3 times. When you and your partner disagree you should be able to work through it alone by talking it over like adults. When you feel like you need a 3rd party choose a neutral 3rd party like a marriage counselor or relationship therapist. Along with that I’m also going to say PLEASE REFRAIN FROM POSTING NEGATIVE THINGS ON SOCIAL MEDIA ABOUT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. First of all you do not love me if you talk negative about our relationship or me on social media for millions of people to see. Second of all you have time to post on social media but you don’t have time to talk to me like an adult and handle your priorities in your relationship? Posting every argument on social media is so cowardly and disgusting. It simply creates more problems than it does fixing anything. You didn’t go to Facebook for validation you went to Facebook for likes. A person who will leak your personal business is not a partner in a relationship but better yet an attention whore.
Trust is not given it is earned. Stop giving people the benefit of the doubt. One thing I learned is to not set the bar high for people. A person will let you down before they lift you up most of the time. We rarely find the perfect match the first time around anyway. I’m not saying never trust anyone and be on eggshells in every relationship, I’m just saying don’t put anything past anybody. Once the trust is gone it is very hard to get back.
Now as I was saying these aren’t all the lessons you need on love but these are some basic ones that I know we can all agree on. Take these lessons and apply them in your current relationship and the relationship that you plan on starting in the future. Take my advice and love like you’ve never been hurt, there is somebody whose going to love all of your greatness.
Fun facts about the Author
I chew my ice cream. People do that right?